I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
