Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
