drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
