I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
