Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
