Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
