TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
