i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
