It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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