Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
