Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
is wine microwaveable?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
