he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
