wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
