You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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