It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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