I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
