U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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