have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i dont even know how to be here
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
