I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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