someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
