I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
