Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
