I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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