tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
