found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
