Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
