I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
