Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
