Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
