i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
