thus making me awesome and them whores
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She needs sedatives and a leash
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
