I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
