Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
