There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
