Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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