drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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