I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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