i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
