I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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