Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
