I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my being single is dangerous.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
