So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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