Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Your penis caused this!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
