a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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