nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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