Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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