sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
