i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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