He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
