also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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