We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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