i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
